Deciding when to have a baby is a big deal. There are many aspects you need to consider before throwing out that pack of birth control pills. We wanted to be as prepared as possible to give our child the best quality of care and prevent unbearable strain on our marriage.
I still remember the day my husband first told me he was ready to think about starting a family. We were camping and the fishing wasn't very good so we decided to relax by the campfire for a while. I don't remember what brought it up, but I couldn't believe it when he mentioned the possibility of having a baby. That was 2 years ago, and I am not even pregnant yet.
I married a very practical man, which is something I love about him...usually. I would have just had a baby whenever and figured we'd make it work, but he is always concerned about finances. The more he thought about it, the more he decided we should wait. First it was 6 months, then it was a year. He kept thinking of more things we needed to do to prepare. At the time we were renting a small apartment and were plagued with student loan debt. I couldn't help but think, "There's always going to be an excuse to put it off, so at some point we just need to do it." I am definitely glad we waited, though. We now own a house and plan to have our student loans totally paid off before a baby arrives.
Every once in a while my husband will still talk about putting off having a baby even longer in order to pay off more debt. I'm already off of birth control, so I don't think that will happen, but it does worry me when he brings it up. Is he still not ready to have a baby? Does he worry about how it will affect our relationship? We have a really good marriage, but we're not perfect. Maybe he's worried having a baby will drive us apart. He already makes comments sometimes about how I love our dog more than I love him. Lately he has been feeling like I don't give him enough attention and affection. He even mentioned that he thinks when a baby comes I will be so excited about the baby that I won't care about him at all. I try to tell him that isn't true, but he is a very stubborn and opinionated man!
Most people would tell us we should put it off longer for that reason; in fact, some people have. I am used to people not approving of our decisions, though. I was 19 and he was 26 when we got married. I can think of very few people who approved of our relationship at all, much less us getting married when I was so young. We have been married almost five years now, and we have never regretted our decision. As far as we can tell we have a better marriage than most people we know. The seven year age difference hasn't been much of an issue...until now. I feel like now that he's 30 we need to get on the ball or he will be too much older than our kids. However, many people look at me and think, "What are you in such a hurry to have kids for? You're only 23 years old!" I have always been more mature and grounded than others my age, so I know I'm ready, but I guess they just don't understand that I'm ready to make those compromises that come with having a baby. Maybe it isn't me at all, though. Maybe they still doubt the durability of our marriage.
Nevertheless, I think the timing is right. We have a nice house with a big yard, we have financial stability, and we have a great relationship with each other and God. I know we'll be great parents. In fact, that's one of the things I look forward to the most about having a baby. I am so excited to see what my husband will be like as a father! Of course, I pray every day that God will make it happen in His time, not mine, because only He knows when the best time will be.
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