I've read a lot about how long it can take for people to get pregnant, so why did I still expect it to be so easy? It has been three months since going off of birth control, and here I am on another period. I know I can't complain - only one of the past three months can I say we were really trying for a baby, but every day feels like a week, and every week a month now that I'm trying to get pregnant.
MONTH 1: I have read that it is a good idea to wait a month after going off birth control before trying to get pregnant because it is good to give your body time to adjust to the change, so we weren't planning on trying that month. However, my husband returned home after being gone for work for 3 months and that plan went out the window! I was sure we did the deed on the day I ovulated, and when my period didn't come on time I was convinced I was pregnant. I totally had symptoms, like extremely sensitive breasts, that I had never experienced before. I took a pregnancy test, which came out negative, but I was sure that I just took it too soon. I even downloaded an app on my smartphone that told me how big my baby was and what was developing that week. Needless to say when my period started I was disappointed. The disappointment was magnified when I realized the horrible cramps I got before I was on birth control had returned.
MONTH 2: After dealing with extreme cramps, I was determined to get pregnant the next month to avoid having them again. I had been charting my basal body temperature since going off of birth control, but there was no clear pattern or consistency in my readings. I decided the our best bet was to just have sex every other day. Sperm can live up to 3 days in there, so it seemed like a fool-proof plan. Having sex every other day is not an easy accomplishment when your husband works 10 hour days, though. We did a pretty good job of it around the time of ovulation, so when my period was late this time, I figured I had to be pregnant. After 2 negative pregnancy tests, a couple of days apart, I knew I probably wasn't pregnant but I was still holding on to that hope that maybe I was. My period came even later than it had the month before and I began to wonder if I would ever be able to get pregnant. I know that sounds ridiculous since it was only the first month that we really tried to get pregnant, but I didn't see how it was possible to not get pregnant if you have sex every other day. I think part of the problem is that I had been told that my grandma and my aunt both got pregnant right away after going off birth control. My husband's brother and his wife were the same way. I and my siblings were all the result of unplanned pregnancies. I couldn't help but think getting pregnant was so easy, despite what I had read about it usually taking 5 months to a year for the average couple to conceive. I figured maybe those people just weren't having sex enough, or were too stressed out.
MONTH 3: Not getting pregnant this month wasn't such a let down because I knew it would be highly unlikely. My husband and I were apart during the week I was supposed to ovulate. Of course when my period didn't start on time again, I had a little glimmer of hope, but I knew it had been late the last two months so I expected it to be again. I was at least smart enough not to waste money on a pregnancy test this month.
I have always had regular periods, even before going on birth control, so it has been really frustrating having them come late every month. Not only am I unprepared when it starts, but keep having false hopes that I might be pregnant. I have done a little research online about this, and I think it might be that I'm not ovulating yet. I have read that it can take 3-4 months after going off of birth control before you are able to get pregnant, so I am hoping that maybe next month will the the month for us. The good thing is I think I have calmed down a little about the whole thing and am more prepared to just let it happen when it happens. In the beginning I was so caught up in getting pregnant right away that set myself up for major letdown. Maybe it's because I was worried my husband would change his mind about being ready for a baby, which I will discuss more in another post.
I think the other thing that made it hard during the second month is that a girl that I went to high school with that hasn't even been married a year (if I remember correctly) started posting pictures of her baby bump on Facebook. She was one of my good friends in high school and I don't consider myself to be a bitch, but I really hated her when I saw that! I thought things like, "They haven't been married long enough to have a baby," and "How can they afford to have a baby? They must have had rich parents that just payed for them to go to college. They don't even know what it means to support themselves, much less a baby." I am not usually a mean person, but I was jealous. I felt like since I was better prepared to have a baby (I've been married much longer, have been out of college longer, have been financially independent longer), I deserved one more. The fact is, it doesn't work that way! First of all, my friend and her husband might be totally prepared for a baby, and will be great parents and I'm happy for them now. Jealousy just got the best of me that day. The thing is though, people who shouldn't have a baby or don't want a baby get pregnant all the time, and we need to be prepared to deal with that. Maybe God's plan for me is to try without success for a while so he can teach me some lessons like this one.
I know this is kind of a long post and covers a lot, but I needed to get caught up. Future posts will be a little shorter and more focused on a specific thought or topic.
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