When I awoke with a full bladder this morning, I had everything ready.  My plastic cup and home pregnancy test had been waiting on the bathroom counter all night.  It had been 34 days since the first day of my last period, and I hadn't had any signs of another period's arrival.  I peed in the cup, set it on the counter, and what do you know...when I wiped there was a pale spot of blood on the toilet paper.  I wiped again and got the same thing. 

I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 or 6 months (long enough that I can't remember!), and now it will be another 2 months before I can even try again (my husband is away for work).  Oddly enough, this time I didn't cry...or get angry.  I'm certainly not happy about it, but I guess I'm getting used to it.  I still can barely stand to see other babies, though! 

I think I'm going to treat myself to a trip to Starbucks and Ross today to make myself feel better.  This also means if I try hard enough I could have a swimsuit body by June!  It always helps to think about the positives.  I don't have to stress so much about what I'm eating or drinking between now and then; at least not in the same way.  All I can do is keep praying and trust that God is in control.

To Test or Not To Test

It is getting so tempting to take a pregnancy test.  I know it would be a dumb idea but I am getting so anxious to find out if I am pregnant.  Some people would say just take one, but if I get a negative result I will be left in the same place I am now - still wondering if I might be pregnant.  Not to mention I'd be throwing money out the window.  I am going to try to be strong and wait it out.  I might not make it to the 17th, but my goal is to wait until at least Wednesday, the 14th.  By then my period definitely should have started if I'm not pregnant.